Disagreements, mistakes and strained friendships are pretty much guaranteed in life, and if left unresolved can take a toll on our happiness and well being. The way we handle ourselves during times of stress defines who we are and enables us to live our best lives.
Most of us could probably admit that we’re not perfect and have made a mistake or two in our lives, yet admitting to those mistakes, owning up to the consequences of them and saying sorry, are particularly difficult things to do. In a similar way, the experience of spending time with toxic people is also one with which many of us are familiar, and can take a toll on the way we view relationships and resolve interpersonal tensions. Making friends as an adult can be hard, but sometimes saying goodbye to friends who no longer add value to our lives can seem like an even more daunting task. Instead of feeling used, being stubborn and lacking the self confidence to see your own worth, try to adopt the following life hacks to start making every day count.
Show your friends you're sorry with a bouquet from a florist delivery service.
To resolve arguments
"When one door closes, another opens;
But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door
That we do not see the one that has opened for us."
Alexander Graham Bell
Give yourself time to form an opinion
It’s easy to jump to a conclusion or act rashly in the heat of the moment, and regretful things are said that can’t be taken back. It can be difficult to bite your tongue if there is something you want to say, but taking a moment to think things through can give you time to really consider what it is you’re trying to communicate, and how you want to do so. Your words will seem more considered and genuine if you initiate a conversation by telling someone that you’ve ‘had time to think it over’.
Keep an open mind
Another reason it can be important to hold off speaking until you’ve had a chance to consider your thoughts, is it gives you an opportunity to see the situation from another point of view. Of course it’s not always easy to do this, but you should strive to put yourself in someone else’s position, imagine what might be triggering their actions and show some compassion. Think about what you would do or how you would feel were it you experiencing their situation.
Avoid getting emotional
There are some arguments, particularly the kind had by spouses, that are over small disagreements or meaningless topics like cleaning the house or ordering dinner. Others, however, like the ones about politics and religion, are far more fraught with potential issues. If you’re discussing these topics, try to remain calm, hear them out and not resort to personal attacks, provided the person with whom you’re speaking extends the same courtesy.
Make a statement with box roses from Roses Only.
To show you’re sorry
"Apology is a lovely perfume;
It can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift."
Margaret Lee Runbeck
Consider the circumstances and context
Depending on our state of mind, what we’re currently experiencing and the context of the conversation, our reactions to triggers can vary. If you’ve just experienced a death in the family for example, you may react strongly to someone’s opinion on organ donation, when ordinarily it may not have bothered you at all. Similarly, if you have a friend who identifies as part of a minority group, their personal experience may give them an opinion you haven’t considered.
Show you mean it
The most important part of saying sorry is making sure your considered words are heard, but sometimes an accompanying gesture is a nice touch. Depending on the severity of your actions, extend your words by giving a gift like a bottle of wine, bouquet of flowers or big box of chocolates.
To get the most out of friendships
"Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow.
Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers.
So much time you can waste it.
But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know."
Lauren Oliver, ‘Before I Fall’
Image of flower delivery Singapore courtesy of Roses Only
Lead an honest life
It’s so easy to get caught up in the social media culture of pretending your life is as perfect as your the pictures you post, or feel inadequate when comparing yourself to the lives everyone else seems to be leading. The solution? Live honestly, acknowledge your flaws, learn from your mistakes and most importantly, give yourself a break. Imperfections make us unique and interesting.
Choose your friends wisely
Growing up we are usually forced to socialize with family friends, school mates or our cousins, but once we finish school it often becomes apparent that we have grown out of many of these friendships. Furthermore, a change in circumstance gives new perspective to relationships we once took for granted. Nostalgia has a way of making ending these relationships difficult, but try to clearly consider what it is you actually get from all of your friends. If you leave a catch-up feeling disappointed, bored, put out or like you are being used, it might be time to move on.
Image of roses delivery Singapore courtesy of Roses Only
Be open to new friendships
Meeting new people is daunting, particularly as we get older and lose touch with friends. Friendships can be formed through online meet-up pages and ‘friendship’ dating sites, and like dating online, you can set out the requirements for what you look for in advance. Workplaces are another great place to form new bonds, particularly through after-work drinks and after-hours functions, as are extra curricular activities like dance lessons, group exercise classes, pottery classes, cooking classes or anything that gets you mixing with new people with the challenge of learning a skills. Be friendly, open minded, give people a chance to show you who they are before passing judgement, and most importantly, don’t ever lose sight of your worth!